Moving Beyond Feelings

Weather really affects me.  I've always known this about myself, but for some reason that knowledge doesn't seem to make me feel any better when it's dreary outside for more than, say, a day at a time.  I start thinking silly things like, is it ever going to be nice outside again?  Ha.  Let's think about that for a minute...of course it will!  Hasn't time and history in general, shown me anything? Again, it's something I know, but I don't feel.

It seems like that is the case with so many things I know.  I know God is in control.  I know His timing is perfect and I know His love for me is beyond any human comprehension.  But those feelings?  Let's face it.  Sometimes those truths are really hard to feel. 

I even know what God wants from me.  He wants me to love Him and trust Him.  I know He doesn't want a half hearted trust, that He's asking for an unshakable, childlike trust.  And it's through that complete trust that we show our love.  St. Therese talks a lot about this.  Man, she has to be the master at a simple, childlike trust in our Lord.  The interesting thing is, oftentimes, she didn't feel His presence or feel her own confidence in His love for her, but she asserted it nonetheless. 

Thank goodness we don't need to feel something in order to do it.  Our will is in charge and we can choose to act a certain way even when it's the last thing we may feel we're capable of doing. There is real substance and merit when we follow our will towards the good that we know, especially when the feelings aren't there.

If we're feeling like we don't know how well we're trusting in God, that is the moment to assert our wills in a complete trust.  Blindly trust the Lord.  Make it known to Him that you have no feelings of trust, but that you're putting all your trust in Him anyway.  This simple act of humble love will prompt Jesus to treat us like the little child that we are.  And being His little child is great.  Our loving Father wants to give His little children everything their little hearts desire.  How could He refuse anything to one who trusts Him in this way?  

Please Pray

Please pray for TCIE and her husband that they may conceive a baby this cycle.  There is power in prayer and we have a great community of praying women, so let's get started, ladies!!!!!

Wonderful News

I am so happy for PPIW, and her new, sweet little baby GIRL!  Please go on over and congratulate her if you haven't already!

Increase My Trust

This post from Perfect Power in Weakness, has got me thinking about my own trust level with God. While I don't have the same past experiences as she writes about, I know I need to learn to trust God more. By the way, if you could offer a prayer for PPIW, I know she would appreciate it! She has such a beautiful soul and I really admire her honesty and her growing trust with God. I have so much to learn from her.

Being pregnant was what I prayed and wanted for so long, and now that I am expecting a baby, I feel so scared. I still have doubts about if I will be a good mother and if our baby will be born healthy and safely. These doubts may sound silly to most people reading this, but to me they are real and scary. I'm finally carrying a child and in no time at all this baby will be on the outside and will have needs and wants more important than my own. And that's what is so scary. Will I be able to meet those needs? Will I be sleep deprived and crabby all the time? I want so badly to be a good mother that I think I'm forgetting what motherhood boils down to. I think, but am not positive, that it boils down to love. I pray God fills me with His love so I am overflowing with it and my baby receives it unconditionally.

I think what's hard right now is that I'm still feeling sick. I haven't thrown up in almost a week, but I feel like I need to fairly often. I struggle to find foods that appeal to me and lately I have been waking up about three times at night to snack and ask my husband to roll over to help quiet his snoring. I feel physically and emotionally weak and I think it's been coloring all my thoughts about the future and is the source of my doubts and worries.

Dear Jesus, I long to trust you with my whole heart and my whole soul. I want to have an unconditional trust in your love for me so that nothing, literally, nothing, shakes me. I know this is what You desire me to have, so please give me Your graces now. Today is a special day for me. Two years ago today I gave my life to my husband and said yes to your loving plans for us. You, in turn, gave me a peace beyond anything I could have ever asked for. Please give me that same peace, trust and simple joy that I long for now. Thank you, in advance, from the bottom of this little heart of mine.