Results

We had good news today! The ultrasound revealed no structral problems with baby and the cysts on the brain have resolved! In othewords, they are not there anymore. Yay! Praise the Lord. The calcium spot on the baby's heart is still there but the doc said that the risk of having an amnio ddone is greater than the risk of the calium spot on her heart. We feel much better after this news. Baby is about 12oz. And doing just fine. Thank you so much for your prayers! We are so blessed to have so many people praying for our little one!! Thank you! Sorry if this is full of typos i'm typing on husbands phone. I couldn't wait to share this news! :)

Thank you

I've been meaning to write a thank you post for a while now.  God's grace has been with me these past few days and I know it's because of all your prayers.  We have our second ultrasound in two days and I'm feeling okay about everything.  I really feel like everything is going to be alright with our baby.  What a blessing it is to not worry!!  God is in control and I trust in Him!

In other news, I was told I could stop my progesterone last week.  I had a blood test this morning just to confirm that I don't need to go on a lower dose.  It feels weird not having had a shot last Thursday, the muscle in my back side is thankful!!  Even if I need to continue the 100mg twice a week, that's fine.  But it sounds like I may not need any at all or at least a smaller dose may be all I require.  That was a nice piece of good news last week.  I'm thankful my body is producing enough progesterone now and pray it continues. 

Please continue to keep me and baby in your prayers.  I will update as soon as I can after my second ultrasound!

Prayers needed for our next Ultrasound

My next ultrasound is already scheduled.  It's set for July 18th at 1:45 at the hospital where I plan to give birth.  I'm asking for prayers from all my readers that the two findings have gone away.  The technical terms for the two markers are: 
-choroid plexus cyst -- "a pocket of fluid on the brain that is not problematic in itself but may be a marker for Trisomy 18".

And

-echogenic intracardiac focus -- these are calcium deposits found on the heart.  This also isn't problematic in itself but may be a marker for Trisomy 21.

 

My doctor told us that she would "eat her shoe" if our baby had Trisomy 18.  Baby doesn't have any other physical signs of Trisomy 18, such as clubbed feet or shorter limbs.  And our baby is not smaller than expected.  In fact, she is measuring about a week further along than our original due date.  This was a happy surpise for my husband and I.  For some reason, I always pictured our baby being on the small side because I was always (and still am) petite myself. 

 

I don't really know what to think, though I'm trying to remain positive. 

 

Yesterday we had a pool party at my parent's house with some of my close friends.  It was really nice and helped me to relax and destress.  I have been feeling less anxious as time goes by, but I know I am in need of your prayers.  Please pray for me to trust Jesus with my whole heart.  Please also pray that we have wonderful news at our next ultrasound.  Thank you so much!!!!

 

PS. I am praying the Memorare each day up until my ultrasound.  Please consider praying it with me!

 

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Amen.

Holding onto Faith

Thanks for your kind comments and prayers.  I have been feeling them already and know that there is nothing I need to fear. 
This morning I called the doctor on call and it happened to by my doctor.  I told her that I woke up during the night with anxiety and heartburn and she asked if the anxiety had something to do with the ultrasound findings and I started crying.  How I can cry on the phone to someone I barely know is beyond me, but oh well. 
She reasurred me that both the signs will most likely go away in a few weeks.  I made it clear to her again that we'll be keeping the baby no matter what and she said that the second ultrasound will just be a second set of eyes looking closer, checking to see that there is nothing wrong with the heart - so we can prepare, if say, there needs to be a specialist at the delivery or something.  So I agreed that I'm fine with doing the second ultasound if that's what we are looking into.
I feel like I'm going to need to be very clear about what is acceptable in terms of testing and everything.  It's hard feeling like I have to defend why we won't do an amnioscentisis.  It's hard telling your own doctor that you're keeping your baby no matter what.  Seriously?  How about life is precious no matter what? 
Maybe I will show my doctor that there are people out there who value life no matter what.
Thanks for your continued prayers, I appreciate them so much!

Down Syndrome?

Todays ultrasound has brought up so many emotions.  We found out we're having a girl (see my last post)!! We also found out that our baby has two soft markers for down syndrome. 

I've been happy, really happy, and I've also cried a few times today.  I couldn't believe it was me sitting with my doctor and my husband discussing the likelihood of our baby being born with down syndrome.  It was surreal.  Obviously we are keeping our sweet baby no matter what, and I was making that known to the doctor - again, something I never pictured myself having to do - and she was supportive of us not doing further testing since it won't change anything about our decision.  I'm glad she was supportive, but just that thought that we have a "choice" in some kind of "decision" is super upsetting to me.  Our baby is alive and growing, what the heck kind of a "choice" is there except to continue prenatal care and deliver my baby into this world???  I don't care what is wrong with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Gosh, I really wish our doctor hadn't even told us anything.  What does it profit us to know that there could be something wrong with the baby, unless of course there is something we can do to benefit and help support the baby's life.  Sometimes I hate knowledge so much.  It can so easily be used for evil instead of good and this is a perfect example.  A woman without knowledge of possible down syndrome with her baby has no thought or anxiety about whether she should keep the baby - in that case her ignorance is bliss.  But give her the knowledge that there is a possibility of her baby being born with down syndrome and the Devil can (and has and does!) do the rest by provoking her to fear, doubt and anxiety.  The devil wins when the parents abort their child because of the possibility of down syndrome.

This is why I am clinging to my faith.  My trust in Jesus and my hope in Him and the Blessed Mother to calm my anxiety.  Because I know the Devil is real and I know I am not ammune to fear and anxiety.  Please do not misunderstand my post.  There is no "choice" for us, we are keeping our sweet baby no matter what.  We have been blessed beyond belief with this precious life and we are going to meet her in early December!  But I do know myself, and I do fall prey to anxiety and fear.  I've already caught myself thinking that there must be something wrong with me if our baby does have down syndrome.  There must be something that I did wrong.  It's this kind of fear that I am struggling with now.  Not any "decision" or "what I should do now".  The devil is going to get me where he knows he can.  And with me it's usually always with self-doubt, feeling mad at myself, and becoming sad.

You're probably wondering what the soft markers were that they found today.  One was calcium on the heart.  Apparently this can go away and often does, and in and of itself it is not harmful to the baby at all.  But pair it with another soft marker for down syndrome and they start to worry you.  The other marker was cysts on the brain.  Like the first marker, this one can most likely go away in a few weeks, and as it is, is not harmful in and of itself to the baby's brain or anything.  It's just that the two markers together (calcium deposits on the heart and cysts found on the brain) can point to a more serious underlying problem with the baby, basically a chromosomal abnormality. 

I've been searching online about this...and I'm not even sure why.  Nothing is going to change our mind about anything (I feel like I can't say that enough!), I think I'm just craving to be put at ease somehow.  Has anyone had any markers for down syndrome come up on their ultrasound?  Does anyone know what the most common marker(s) is/are? 

I feel guilty even caring so much.  I mean, I will love our baby no matter what.  So why do I seek so many answers?  I'm not aware of anything that "heals" down syndrome.  From what I know, a person either has it or they don't.  I guess I'm just kind of shocked at the news.  I feel like this is a true test for me of not giving into the temptation to fear, feel guilty, be mad at myself, cry, and so on. 

Please say a prayer for me!  And please pray that the soft markers mean nothing and that our baby will continue to grow!!  Sweet baby girl, we all want to meet you in December!!!

Baby is ...................................

A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We just found out this morning and are so excited!!  Right now I am about 18 weeks along and feeling good.  I must say, for the longest time I was thinking that this baby is a boy, but knew I really couldn't know for sure.  It was a little bit surprising to find out that baby is a girl, but we are so thrilled and happy no matter what!

Here is a cute photo of our sweet little one.  Check out that cute little nose.  AHH!!!  Love it!  Enjoy!