Friday, April 12, 2013

One of Those Days

You know how I mentioned making this place a blessing to those who read this? Well, this post might not be that kind of post.  I really want to be positive here, but there is so much bothering me and I just can't ignore it.  I need an outlet, so here I am. Today it's raining out and I'm so SO tired of the cold dreary weather of this New England state of mine.  UGH. I want to move so badly to a warm southern state.

My husband has been putting in mandatory overtime at his job.  Good problem to have in this economy, I guess, but it's been so hard having to treat every Saturday like another weekday.  Yup, Saturdays are required work days and have been since about February and there is no end date to this madness. Luckily he only needs to put in at least 4 hours and no more than 8 on each Saturday, but still.  Most weekends it's been closer to 8 than not and I am so tired of it.

G has been super fussy all day.  Currently she is awake in her crib, and she still has about an hour left to her naptime. We'll see how this one goes.  Normally, I can't complain in this department.  She is on a pretty good nap/sleep routine and I am not sure how that happened since I used to highly dislike schedules myself. I think she can tell when mommy is stressed because usually if her schedule is stable, she's pretty content for the most part.

I'm so upset, angry and disappointed with my siblings. They both currently live with their respective boy/girlfriends and it has been grating on me for a while now. I feel like I'm mourning the loss of the family I wish I could have come from, if that makes sense.  All families have problems, I know, but I feel like I'm surrounded by extended family that are all church-going good example people.

Well, except for one certain extended family member.  Not sure if you recall, but the person who I couldn't talk to during my pregnancy. Well, I tried to reconcile with her and that was a huge mistake.  I think I had a moment of weakness, or was bored or something and decided, "I'm feeling fine now, I can handle reaching out to her, let me just shoot her a quick email apologizing and leave it in God's hands." I don't really know what I apologized for, I didn't do anything wrong. I just asked her to stop calling and texting me because her last email really upset me.  Well, I guess I did way more than that.  Including, as she claims, I caused to some extent her miscarriage.  Can you BELIEVE anyone would have the audacity to even hint that someone else caused their miscarriage? To some extent, I kind of saw it coming. She is just that kind of person. She already has two children (not that I'm implying at all that this lessens the pain of miscarriage) and couldn't even be happy for me when I announced my pregnancy to her.  Once she knew what doctor I was seeing she jumped all over it and sent me long intrusive emails about my care.  I hadn't even been talking with her much before all this, and now she wants personal details about my fertility? Oh and by the way, congratulations, she wrote along with her thousands of questions for me.  So I did what any sane person would do and I limited contact with her and she apparently blew a big fuse at that.  Meanwhile, I had NO clue she was pregnant at the time, and now she is blaming me for her miscarrying.  She hopes I can deal with the "irreversible consequences of my actions".  Ahh she makes me want to scream!!!  I had to hold myself back from sending her a very opinionated letter in return.  I haven't given up on the thought of writing her a letter, but I'm more interested in talking to her in person. It's funny how easy it is to write things to someone, but saying them straight to the persons face is not so simple.  I highly doubt she would have accused me of her miscarriage straight to my face, but you never know.

Let's see, what else. Oh. The whole blogging thing. So, I've been wanting to start a more public blog. I've also been not wanting anyone from RL to stumble upon this one, and I worry with pics of G that they could recognize her and also read stuff I don't want them to (take the above paragraph, for example). So, why do I want to have a more public blog when I don't even like Facebook? I'm still trying to figure that out.  I've been trying to think of a name for this new blog, if I ever start it, but nothing has seemed right.

My husband and I have been talking about the possibility of relocating.  I hate the winters here and his job is getting out-of-control busy. We have been talking about the Dallas area. Anyone from around there than would like to share how they like it? My husband works as an engineer and is hopeful that there will be plenty of job opportunities in that area. The thought of selling our house makes me dizzy, but I can't get the thought of moving and Dallas out of my head. Is it a sign that God is calling us to leave all my family  that live around here and venture out on our own? I'm still not completely sure, but it does kind of sound exciting.

Time to check the wood stove.  Remember that thing? Yeah, we're still using it.  It's mid April, people! What is going on here?

1 comment:

  1. Hey, some days are just tough, and the only thing to do is get through them! That is rough about your DH having to work Saturdays. My DH has to work weekends sometimes too, and I can't stand it but like you, I want to be thankful he has a good job.

    I can't believe that woman said that to you! I think you are right, face to face is probably best.

    ReplyDelete